Sleep

I keep having go take naps or end up being a zombie all day. It is spring break and decided tomorrow (Rather today) we are going to do something. So I went to sleep early. I woke up at around 2 am to make sure everyone was asleep, now I keep having this nagging feeling and am uncomfortable in my chest.

So my thoughts keep going to "am I going to die". Seriously I am not ready for that, I am not ready to leave my kids yet, I am not ready to NOT be around. What would happen to my family, how cna my babies grow up without a mom. I am scared, I havent been feeling "well" for a few days. I have started taking my meds again - religiously. And am drinking more fluids. I just cant get this nagging feeling out of my head.

Maybe it's because it has been nearly a year and my body/mind is just messed up or maybe it's legit. Either way it needs to go away, I can't do it, I CANT be sick again.

So in about 8 hours I will be taking my kids out and I will be spending time with them. I wont be pussy footing around waiting for something.

I know now what my grandfather was going through when he asked me to just sit with him as he lay on his bed. He just wanted someone there because he too did not feel well.

I Love you Grandpa but am not ready to join you yet! Please help me get through this, I need to be here with my two beautiful monkeys!! They still need me!!!