Battle of the Belly

Thats right, it is battle of the belly time. It is looking like I am going to need another round of surgery on my abdomen due to my belly not healing properly and now I have a large hernia. Fabulous. I am trying my hardest to keep my head up and just "keep swimming" but its feeling impossible.
At least we know ahead of time that there is surgery in the future - to what extent we are unsure of- so I am getting things in line so there wont be that much out of place.
I am updating my will, at 29 who would have thought I would have a will and living testament - sadly I have had one for almost 9 years now. The guys are aware of what I want done with the kids - which was the biggest issue.

Other then that, things are going alright. The boy has been sick for over a week, not sure with what, but he has it coming out of both ends. Amazing what kids go through when they are sick. The girl is doing well. We have been doing family counseling for almost a month now and it seems to be helping... kinda, almost, maybe.

The guys are fine - sleeping when they can and bustin their hump to get things done.

it's been way to long

I want to write out how I feel, what I need, what happens during the day and so forth. But I cannot bring myself to do it all the time. First off no one reads this whiney garbage and secondly I guess I have been too depressed to do anything like that.

I decided last night to tell the love how I felt and well.... I said I am sick of being sick and sick of fighting it. I dont want to fight it anymore. He asked if I would rather not be living and I couldnt answer him. Most times during the day I feel I would rather just go, I am in so much pain most of the day and when I am having a good day (which is rare), I feel like I am pushing the good day forward - like I am not really happy.

I'll try to write more... sometime.