It has been 5 months since our son was born, our precious 12 pounder, 5 months since my bowel was cut. Almost 5 months from when the Dr's realized why I was so ill and rushed me in to have me "repaired".
I am still healing on the outside, a small wound that keeps getting smaller and a huge scar. I am not so much healing on the inside. I am still depressed and frequently cry. Everyone in the family seems fine, life is moving on.
Why am I writing this, why erged me out of bed at 4:15 am - I can tell you it wasn't our son. It isn't that we have a busy schedule today. It's because I have made a very hard decision and I need to explain.
About a month and a half ago, I was brushing my hair and I was getting more then usual out. I figured it was nothing, and continued with my hair ritual -- brush, wash and put up. I have worn my hair pretty much the same way since elementary. There has always been so much of it. In the past month and a half I have lost a good amount of hair, to the point where I have bald patches.
Saying that makes me cry, thinking about it makes me cry. The mear thought of washing my hair makes me depressed beyond words. There is no way a Doctor or any amount of medicine can fix this, and I cannot keep hoping it magically grows back overnight because it wont. I realize that now.
Not only has 2 months been taken away but my body has been damaged, I have massive emotional issues (I hide pretty well most of the time), I have heart problems, I can no longer have children (yes I am very thankful for my two), daily memory loss, speech issues (I will think I am saying one thing and it comes out jumbled), I take over 20 pills a day to "help" get better, I am on a high protein diet, so many other issues and to top it off -- my hair looks like a middle aged man.
I don't know what else to do, so in a few minutes -- before my family gets up I am going to shave my head. Hopefully when it grows back it will be as beautiful and thick as it has been in the past.
I truly hate you Dr. Madsen, you have ruined me!
Friday, September 10, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
This is what happened
As most of you know April 13, 2010 was an awesome day for our family. Kevin Scott was born via a scheduled c-section. This little guy was 12 pounds even at birth and a little over 22 inches. His head measured 15 inches in circumference. After being taken out of me and shown to us the nurses rushed him to the nursery because his blood sugar was low. Kevin being the great daddy he is went with our little guy to watch over him. I was fixed up and taken to recovery.
Kevin would come to recovery with pictures of the baby and show me and then would go back to our baby. I was in recovery for a little over an hour, I had to have a couple heating blankets put on because I was so cold I had uncontrollable shaking. After recovery the nurses brought me in to see our baby in the nursery. My heart melted as soon as I saw him. I sat and held him for nearly an hour and then I started feeling tired. I was taken to my room where I had my vitals checked and all that good stuff. They took my temperature and I had a slight fever.
At feeding times they would bring the baby in for us to feed him, once they came and woke Kevin up in the middle of the night so he could go feed him. Lil Kev likes to eat!!
I started getting really sick - bad fever and body aches - I was told by a nurse I had the flu so the Lil Kev was not allowed in the room. This was very depressing - especially because my fever was getting worse and my body was shutting down.
A couple days after having Lil Kev I was taken in for a CT scan and they had found a nick in my small intestine which occurred during the c-section. I was taken up to ICU and this is the point I cannot really say anymore from what I remember.
What I am told is that I was in Septic Shock from the nicked intestine and I was close to death. I had emergency surgery. I was cut from 5 inches from the bottom of my breasts to nearly my waist. I had all of my organs taken out and rinsed off and my internal cavity rinsed out. They repaired the nick in my bowl which was 2 centimeters. I was left open for a couple days so the surgeon could go back in and rinse me out again.
I lost time - I want to say about a week or so I don’t remember. I remember waking up in the third floor room with pain in my lower abdomen from the c-section and horrible pain on my belly. I also woke up to this vacuum noise. After the surgeon closed me up she put this equipment called a wound vac on my wound. It sucks nasty infectious fluid out of the would and promotes blood to raise to the tissues. This machine will help me heal faster and with a better looking scare.
I had another CT scan done and the Doctors found fluid collecting in my abdomen, so they decided to put drains in. I now have three tubes sticking out my left side, attached to those tubes are bags that collect fluid.
When in having all this stuff happen the Doctor’s and Nurse’s screwed up three iv’s one of which has left me with little sensation in my thumb and pointer finger on my left hand. I had bruises up and down my arms and on my feet from them trying to find a vein to stick another iv. It proved unsuccessful so they decided to put a Power Pic in. It is like an iv except it is a tube that is placed under the skin on the inner part of your upper arm and the tube goes across your chest and stops right before your heart. I have to say I like the Pic - all the iv meds go in and they can take blood out - no needles anywhere else.
There is a lot more that has happened but this is the major stuff. I was in the hospital for 3 weeks and 2 days, I was unable to see the kids most of that time, not until the last week was I allowed to have them visit.
The hospital released me last Thursday to a Health and Rehabilitation Center where I will be spending the next 4-6 weeks (or however long it takes my mid section to heal). I see the kids nearly every day and I am getting better at walking and breathing every day.
I am allowed to get mail and visitors (4680 Cordata Parkway, Bellingham, WA 98226).
I am sorry for not letting people know sooner but as you can see I was not in my right mind. I do want you all to know that Baby Kevin is doing awesome, he is a month old and weighs 13 lbs. He is focusing more with his eyes and is getting pretty good with his head control. Kevin is doing fantastic as a father, you can see the love and devotion he has for our son!
Everyday will be a battle to get better but because of my kids and the support I have from Family and friends, it will be won!
Kevin would come to recovery with pictures of the baby and show me and then would go back to our baby. I was in recovery for a little over an hour, I had to have a couple heating blankets put on because I was so cold I had uncontrollable shaking. After recovery the nurses brought me in to see our baby in the nursery. My heart melted as soon as I saw him. I sat and held him for nearly an hour and then I started feeling tired. I was taken to my room where I had my vitals checked and all that good stuff. They took my temperature and I had a slight fever.
At feeding times they would bring the baby in for us to feed him, once they came and woke Kevin up in the middle of the night so he could go feed him. Lil Kev likes to eat!!
I started getting really sick - bad fever and body aches - I was told by a nurse I had the flu so the Lil Kev was not allowed in the room. This was very depressing - especially because my fever was getting worse and my body was shutting down.
A couple days after having Lil Kev I was taken in for a CT scan and they had found a nick in my small intestine which occurred during the c-section. I was taken up to ICU and this is the point I cannot really say anymore from what I remember.
What I am told is that I was in Septic Shock from the nicked intestine and I was close to death. I had emergency surgery. I was cut from 5 inches from the bottom of my breasts to nearly my waist. I had all of my organs taken out and rinsed off and my internal cavity rinsed out. They repaired the nick in my bowl which was 2 centimeters. I was left open for a couple days so the surgeon could go back in and rinse me out again.
I lost time - I want to say about a week or so I don’t remember. I remember waking up in the third floor room with pain in my lower abdomen from the c-section and horrible pain on my belly. I also woke up to this vacuum noise. After the surgeon closed me up she put this equipment called a wound vac on my wound. It sucks nasty infectious fluid out of the would and promotes blood to raise to the tissues. This machine will help me heal faster and with a better looking scare.
I had another CT scan done and the Doctors found fluid collecting in my abdomen, so they decided to put drains in. I now have three tubes sticking out my left side, attached to those tubes are bags that collect fluid.
When in having all this stuff happen the Doctor’s and Nurse’s screwed up three iv’s one of which has left me with little sensation in my thumb and pointer finger on my left hand. I had bruises up and down my arms and on my feet from them trying to find a vein to stick another iv. It proved unsuccessful so they decided to put a Power Pic in. It is like an iv except it is a tube that is placed under the skin on the inner part of your upper arm and the tube goes across your chest and stops right before your heart. I have to say I like the Pic - all the iv meds go in and they can take blood out - no needles anywhere else.
There is a lot more that has happened but this is the major stuff. I was in the hospital for 3 weeks and 2 days, I was unable to see the kids most of that time, not until the last week was I allowed to have them visit.
The hospital released me last Thursday to a Health and Rehabilitation Center where I will be spending the next 4-6 weeks (or however long it takes my mid section to heal). I see the kids nearly every day and I am getting better at walking and breathing every day.
I am allowed to get mail and visitors (4680 Cordata Parkway, Bellingham, WA 98226).
I am sorry for not letting people know sooner but as you can see I was not in my right mind. I do want you all to know that Baby Kevin is doing awesome, he is a month old and weighs 13 lbs. He is focusing more with his eyes and is getting pretty good with his head control. Kevin is doing fantastic as a father, you can see the love and devotion he has for our son!
Everyday will be a battle to get better but because of my kids and the support I have from Family and friends, it will be won!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Just for Carilly
So I blog on and off with how I feel and what I want - you know that kind crap. So I spoke with my friend Carilly today, I love her - she is like a sister. So after talking to her I checked out her blog and decided I should do something to keep her and everyone else in the know. I should blog.
I am having a baby, not as in like 7 months from now but more like 6 days from now. Yep we are 39 weeks and our son is measuring 47 weeks. Just a little big huh.
Today has been pretty weird. I have had energy, not like energy to run a marathon, but energy to actually get up and do stuff. I have done a shit ton of laundry, cleaned the bathroom, took Savannah out for an hour and went to a tour of the hospital. And I have energy to do stuff but my feet hurt. So now I am stuck again, stuck at my computer and downstairs until I feel my toes again.
I hear pregnancy is going around too. Kevin's friend Rob and his wife are expecting a baby with a due date of get this... Monday - it's a race to see who's baby comes first. Her's is natural so if she doesn't have him by Tuesday - We take the cake on that one. Let's see my friend Sabrina is pregnant a couple months along. Yeah I cant think of anymore, but I know more people who are preggers or just had a baby.
Girl Scouts is going pretty good, we are actually cancelling our next meeting because the baby will be born and only a week old. The girls sold over 2500 boxes of cookies. comes to a nice wad of cash we gotta spend. I purchased a ton of shit on oriental trading company's website and plan on making a purchase of some from the girl scout store.
Alright well I will be on top of this hopefully..... and will post some pictures of the baby when he is born.
<3 you Carilly!
Leanne
I am having a baby, not as in like 7 months from now but more like 6 days from now. Yep we are 39 weeks and our son is measuring 47 weeks. Just a little big huh.
Today has been pretty weird. I have had energy, not like energy to run a marathon, but energy to actually get up and do stuff. I have done a shit ton of laundry, cleaned the bathroom, took Savannah out for an hour and went to a tour of the hospital. And I have energy to do stuff but my feet hurt. So now I am stuck again, stuck at my computer and downstairs until I feel my toes again.
I hear pregnancy is going around too. Kevin's friend Rob and his wife are expecting a baby with a due date of get this... Monday - it's a race to see who's baby comes first. Her's is natural so if she doesn't have him by Tuesday - We take the cake on that one. Let's see my friend Sabrina is pregnant a couple months along. Yeah I cant think of anymore, but I know more people who are preggers or just had a baby.
Girl Scouts is going pretty good, we are actually cancelling our next meeting because the baby will be born and only a week old. The girls sold over 2500 boxes of cookies. comes to a nice wad of cash we gotta spend. I purchased a ton of shit on oriental trading company's website and plan on making a purchase of some from the girl scout store.
Alright well I will be on top of this hopefully..... and will post some pictures of the baby when he is born.
<3 you Carilly!
Leanne
Wednesday, February 10, 1982
29
Twenty-nine years ago my mom was pregnant and ready to pop with her second baby. Sixteen years ago I received Mr Bear as a gift. Thirteen years ago I was finally allowed to date (though I had dated before). Nine years ago I moved out of California to Norfolk, Virigina to live with my then husband, that was also the time I became pregnant with my daughter. Eight years ago I was legal to drink but was breastfeeding a three month old. Four years ago I had a big birthday part because I was moving out of the state/country. Two years ago, I was planning and executing a girl scout meeting and getting ready for Girl Scout Cookie Site Sales. One year ago, I was planning and executing a girl scout meeting, getting ready for Girl Scout Site Sales and on bed rest while preparing for a new baby. Today I will be 29.
What do I feel or say or do? Is this my last year of making bad decisions or do I have to be a grown up all the time? What does one do at age 29? Maybe its the beginning of the rest of my life....
Most probably I am thinking way more then I should right now because I feel old, but not as old as YOU reading this because lets face it... YOU HAVE TO BE OLDER THEN ME... right??
What do I feel or say or do? Is this my last year of making bad decisions or do I have to be a grown up all the time? What does one do at age 29? Maybe its the beginning of the rest of my life....
Most probably I am thinking way more then I should right now because I feel old, but not as old as YOU reading this because lets face it... YOU HAVE TO BE OLDER THEN ME... right??
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